JJ's hiding in the rain

While I stand in the rain with my book in hand, I do not contemplate what I am doing. I simply look up let the book absorb water as I stick my tongue out. I set the book down and flail my arms in the air, smiling while I freeze away pain. By now Looking For JJ by Anne Cassidy is drenched and can not be saved, somehow I do not care. Barefooted I twirl on the pebbles causing my feet to cringe. I feel small ice drops on my tongue and I get so happy because I don't remember ever being in hail. My dog looks at me curiously from inside the house and I smile, and soon run into the house freezing my ass off. I pull the pages of my book apart so they don't stick together (that's what she said) as I sat there sad and disturbed. The rain didn't help as much as I thought it would, and self doubt turns on me. Why was I not suprised? I question myself, will i be able turn my life around? Will I be able to find peace? Will i be able to build bliss?